Kiss and IM

Have you ever dated a man and thought after: Women need to be warned about him!?  I have had this experience one too many times.  One man, in particular, should come with a warning label as he seems to have the same routine for every woman he dates.  I have yet to write about meeting him and my dating experience with him that (somehow) lasted over a year, but I just wanted to share this quick story.

Several months ago I was at dinner with Thunderbolt and another couple.  It was a random place for us as the couple lives about 35 minutes away.  As we were enjoying our margaritas and guacamole, a man walked in that I recognized.  I knew him through Warning Label Ex as they had played on the same football team and I would bond with his, then girlfriend, at the games.  She and I were actually friends on facebook because we know some of the same people.  She and her boyfriend eventually had gotten married and it was nice to see such a sweet girl so happy.

So, anyway, back to this dinner, the man was NOT out with the girl that I knew, but with someone who resembled her (creepy).  I felt so torn with this situation because I didn’t want to stick my nose in their business, but at the same point I felt that she should know what I had seen.  After a lot of back and forth in my mind I decided to shoot her an e-mail on facebook.  When I went to her profile I had noticed there were no longer pictures of her and her husband, so I simply sent her an e-mail checking in with her and asking if they were still together.  She immediately figured out that something must have happened and told me that they were, in fact, currently separated.  I explained my story and she was EXTREMELY grateful that I told her what I had seen since he was still trying to get back with her.  We went back and forth with a few e-mails and that was that.  I felt good about what I had done and suggested she join Kiss and IM (a little innocent promotion never hurt anyone).

Fast forward to a few months:  I decided to check in with the sweet girl just to say hi and see how she was doing with everything.  When doing this I realized she and I were no longer friends on facebook – weird.  I eventually found out (heard) that she was actually now dating Warning Label Ex – the one who was friends with (or at least I thought) her ex-husband.  Oh what a tangled web we weave.  Now, I don’t have any issues with them dating (obviously), but I do think it is silly that she cut our online friendship because of it and I do wonder if it was something he told her to do.  It took everything in me to not shoot her a message and give her my warning.  I had to realize that this is in NO WAY my business and people like to learn things on their own anyway.

I will share with all of you wonderful Kiss and IM readers what his warning label should say:

“Please be warned:  At first, this man can come across as a wonderful man.  He has a certain way about him that will just pull you in and make you feel amazing.  He can be extremely charismatic, but do not be fooled.  After he woos you, he will do something wrong causing you to want to end it.  He will apologize a million times for it.  He may even go as far as sending you beautiful flowers to say he is sorry.  You will get sucked back in and could end up dating for quite a while.  Eventually, the excitement and newness for him will start to wear off and this is when he will start to look for other women to create that excitement.  You will no longer be enough for him and he will feel the need to hear from other women how amazing he is and possibly feel the need to stray sexually.  He will confide in these other women and complain about not being sexually satisfied in hopes that they will fill that void he feels is missing.  He may not stray in the physical sense, but in the mental and emotional sense he will not be able to help himself.  He craves attention from women and as narcissistic as he may come across, he is actually extremely insecure.  When all this starts to happen I hope you realize it and see through him.  It has NOTHING to do with you – you have not changed in your relationship – HE is the one who can’t handle commitment.  HE is the one with the issues

Good Luck!”

Side Note:  In case you are thinking in your head: oh she’s just bitter or oh she’s just jealous.  I want you to know that he and I remained “friends” for quite some time after we broke up and I witnessed him doing this with a few different women.  He even tried to use me as the go-to female to make him feel better about himself when he was in some of the relationships.  So, this is not something that has only happened to me and clearly, from my website you know that I live to help people.  Who knows though, maybe this will be the one who changes him and for her sake I sure do hope so!

What warning label would you create for your exes?  Something to think about…..

-Kiss and IM

~It should be, “Easy Like Sunday Morning”~

I was searching on match.com for my next potential date.   I must admit that when things weren’t going well for me on the site I would change my search criteria to give myself more options, therefore including men I would maybe not usually date.  Anyway, that was when I came across Mr. Mal Shih.  He was normal looking in his pictures – not much to speak of on that topic but I noticed he had a Mal-Shih (Maltese Shih Tzu Mix) in one of his pictures.  This is the same dog that I have and I had never, at that point, met anyone else with the same breed of dog.  I decided that perhaps this was fate – yeah I was at the point that breed of dog was becoming a sign to me!

So the dog drew me in enough to send an email and see where it would maybe take me.  We started emailing and Mr. Mal Shih informed me that he owned an electric contracting company causing it to be very hard for him to email during the day, since he was usually on location.  Sometimes I think this is just a ploy to get to the number exchange faster, but some men are just not into typing/emailing so I obliged.  We started off texting then had one phone conversation to plan our date.  As per the norm for a first date, I chose the spot, but agreed on dinner since he lived a bit of a distance away.

As I got ready for our date, I was nervous and anxious wondering if I was being a bit silly in thinking having the same breed of a dog would lead me to walking to the alter – but then I remembered: No one has MY dog!  I went with a lower heel as he claimed to be three inches taller than I which usually means one inch.  (Something I found a lot with men on dating sites.  I don’t know if it is because I’m tall so I’m more aware of a man’s height or this happens to all of you, but in my experiences a man’s height on his profile was usually 1-3 inches off.  I would always call him out on it if it made him shorter than I am.  I never could figure out if men just don’t know their actual height so they estimate, or if they are insecure with it- I will research this further for all my online daters out there!)

Anyway, it had rained all day, but luckily cleared up enough so that my hair wouldn’t get ruined before meeting Mr. Mal Shih.  The area where the restaurant is, that I picked, is by the water and a flood zone.  Of course I did not think of this till I arrived there.  I couldn’t get down the block or near the parking lot in fear that my low to the ground car would cause a major problem.  I parked further away – no big deal I was capable of walking.  I got out and started my trek as far as I could go without ruining my open toe shoes (bad choice on a night like that-should have been in rain boots).  I was still half a block from the restaurant when I realized I wasn’t going to make it. In no way am I wimp with stuff like that, but being that it was a first date I had to look my best and the water would have been up to my knees.  I called my knight in shining armor to let him know of the situation.  Thank goodness he drove a truck and was very kind in saying he’d drop me off at the door and then go park (I don’t usually get in a car with a man I don’t know, but desperate times call for desperate measures).  The whole me standing on a street corner and him picking me up made for an incredibly awkward first face to face meet, but at least my toes were dry!!

We got seated at the restaurant and it was super warm.  I hate heat and being hot unless it’s natural heat outside.  As soon as I feel warm I get uncomfortable which causes me to get warmer, making my face get flushed and sometimes a little sweaty.  It’s probably way worse in my head than what it actually looks like from outside perspective, but that is how I felt as soon as we sat down and internally I was mortified wondering what the man sitting across from me would think.  When I get like that I start to ramble on and on about….well a whole lot of nothing, luckily he was new to my stories so I think that may have saved me.  I slowly relaxed and began to cool down as the date went on.  We seemed to focus on telling lots of stories about our dogs and discussing how we would have to meet up at a dog park with them so they could play (future plans being made-good sign-check)!  I wasn’t feeling such a connection with him physically, no sparks and not much chemistry, but I was still having an enjoyable time.  I liked that he seemed to have his life together and settled – was just missing that special woman.  Very attractive qualities as I was getting older in the dating scene.

After dinner he drove me to my car, I did the quick lean in and peck on the cheek, said I had a nice time and we should do it again soon.  He agreed causing me to get out of the car with a smile.  He waited for me to be safe inside my car and began to drive away.  I then noticed his reverse lights go on and I got slightly nervous when he started to back up.  I was thinking that he was about to do or say something weird that would completely ruin the nice evening we had together and saying over and over to myself: please don’t ruin this please don’t ruin this, all while my hands were clenched on my steering wheel.  Instead, he backed up next to me, got out of his car, motioned for me to open my window, and leaned in to kiss me.  He said, “Sorry I forgot that. Goodnight,” and then went on his merry way.  It was all very sweet, cute, and romantic-perfect end to a date, or so it seemed.

I sent him a text when I got home thanking him again and to lock in the fact that we would be having a second date (I don’t believe in the two day rule, or even the one day rule, when I felt it was mutual that the date went well, I had no problem sending a follow up text that same night).   I heard back from him immediately with an agreement text saying he’d call me Sunday (our date was on a Friday night).  He did as he said and wanted to see me that day.  It was a rainy dreary day so he suggested I come to his house for a movie day.  I told him I wasn’t comfortable doing that just yet and that I’d rather go out someplace (seemed like a completely normal thing to me and something that I should have been respected for).  I made sure to tell him I definitely still wanted to do something.  He told me he had to get some odds and ends finished up in the office then he’d call.  A couple of hours later he sent me a text saying he was exhausted and feeling lazy.  He said that I could still come over for movies, but he didn’t want to go out.  I told him no and suggested we do something during the week instead. He let me know he’d contact me during the week.

The next day I got an email notification that Mr. Mal Shih had emailed me on match.  I thought that to be odd being that we were way pass that whole stage of things.  This is what he wrote ”Hey, you’re a sweet girl, but I like my girls thinner. Take care” Ummmmmmmmmmmmm? But WE HAVE THE SAME DOG!  Wait was he friends with Mr. Repeat Offender?!?!  Had I gained weight since our date Friday night and was he stalking me?  What in the world could have happened since the day before that caused him to change his mind and think my 145 pounds (at the time) in my 5’9 frame was not thin enough for him!?!  I was floored.  I shared the email with a friend of mine who wanted to personally write him back, but I told her I’d handle it (she didn’t think I had it in me to be mean enough).  I wrote back “Hey, thanks for letting me know, I actually like my guys good looking but I figured I’d try something different with you in hopes you’d be nice – guess I was wrong on all accounts. Take Care.” Then I put him on block so he couldn’t reply. Done and Done!

Lesson Learned Here:  Don’t change your search criteria just to include more options.  It’s great to know what you want and stick to it because that is what you deserve.  Stick to your guns with things (in my case not going to his house) and don’t let a man talk you into something you are not comfortable with.  My analysis of him is that he was after one thing and one thing only (and it was clearly not my dog).  As soon as he realized it would be some work to get anything close to what he was after, he ran like the dog that he was and most likely, still is.

-Kiss and IM
~It should be “Easy Like Sunday Morning”~

Hello all you fabulous females who have now become an integral part of my world!! I was talking with a friend recently and trying to give her some advice. As I was telling her my thoughts on her situation the words “no sex before monogamy” kept echoing through my brain (in the voice of Patti of course aka Millionaire Matchmaker). I thought that, perhaps, I had been brainwashed by watching the fabulous ways of Patti while she matches people up in the most honest, sometimes harsh, but always incredible ways possible. As I thought more about this I realized that I, in fact, may be proof of this rule actually working!! Could it be true? Have I figured this ALL out just like that? I wish I could say yes to this, but nothing is ever THAT simple. I would, however, like to share with all of you my great epiphany in hopes that it may enlighten some of you……

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Kiss and IM first started as a blog and has turned into a FULLY INTERACTIVE SITE JUST FOR WOMEN. This is a site for women to feel safe and secure discussing anything and everything having to do with relationships, or lack there of. There are many different relationships in our lives aside from relations with a partner; you can also discuss family relationships, friendships, work relationships, etc. Simply create a free profile and then start interacting with other women all over the world.  Join different groups (click here for the Group Directory) to find other women who are in (or have been in) similar situations as you.  If you have any group suggestions please send an e-mail to kim@kissandim.com and it will be created for you within 24 hours.  Kiss and IM is a great place to vent about life situations without feeling like people are judging you.  Get unbiased advice based on other women’s experiences.  Many women are already benefiting from all the site has to offer, and now it is your turn!!

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Well, it looks like I should make my New Year’s Resolution to write blogs more often, as I seem to be slacking in that department (ugh now I have realized I still have yet to make a resolution so perhaps my resolution should be to come up with a resolution for next year a little earlier);-)!    I last left you (over a month ago – shame on me) with Mr. Sneakster.  He and I started talking again due to my decision to question my gut – that wonderful female intuition I preach about – eh well nobody is perfect and I preach based on my past mistakes.  Anyway, Mr. Sneakster and I decide to set up our date in NYC.  He lived in Brooklyn and only had a commercial van so he claimed he couldn’t drive it to my neck of the woods and leave it parked at night (which was a bit odd to me, but I rolled with it).  He picked the spot since, although I had gone into NYC plenty of times, I always just went where I was told to go whether it be with my friends or on a date.  I kind of blocked out what I felt while getting ready for this date so I can’t give you much on my nerves and what not – you’ll understand why as you continue to read…….

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